Young, gay and thrown away

The phone rings. It's Doug.
There are a few things Luke doesn't tell his confidant this time, however. Like that he's in the process of packing every stitch of clothing he owns to go back to live with his grandparents. All he's told anyone is that he's taking a "four-day family trip." He also doesn't mention that he's begun having sexual relations with another resident.

Doug had figured something was going on with Luke. "He became real distanced for about three weeks, and he kept saying, 'I think I'm straight, I think I'm straight,'" Doug says.

"But it's all a front for his grandparents, so he can make them happy and have everything he wants. They know he's gay. Every time his grandmother would talk to him, she would ask, 'Luke, are you gay?' And he would say, 'Grandmother, I just don't want to talk about it right now.'"

For Doug, the mentor, there is no ambiguity about Luke's sexuality--he is gay. And the sooner Luke gets used to that fact, the better.

"I told him, 'Luke, whether you're straight or not, you're gonna have a very unhappy life until you come to grips that you are gay.' And I realize that takes years to do," Doug says.

The mentor program is perhaps the most controversial element of Hope House. For young adults raised to believe that homosexuality is morally wrong, the mentors seek to provide living proof that an individual can be gay and live a full and productive life.

The staff was aware early on that any improprieties by gay adults working with the youth could bring condemnation on the gay community, and destroy funding for Hope House. "We told prospective mentors upfront that we wanted this to be the squeakiest-clean program that ever existed," Paul Tucker says. "We told them if there's anything about you that may cause a problem, don't do this."

Indeed, the staff has set in place strict mentor guidelines. To qualify for training, a prospective mentor cannot have any felony convictions, any alcohol or drug convictions within the last five years, any criminal charges involving children or youths, and cannot be "presently engaged in alcohol or drug use," according to the volunteer mentor's application.

That application also says, "Do not apply to be a mentor at Hope House if you're not comfortable being a healthy, mature, and 'out' gay or lesbian role model to the extent your situation allows."

Hope House says it runs police background checks on all applicants.
If selected, the prospective mentor undergoes four two-hour training sessions in which he or she learns communication skills, how to set up boundaries, how to handle crises, and what types of relationships are appropriate with the youths.

"A lot of them get attached to or get a crush on their mentor," Doug says. "You have to make sure that doesn't happen. One of my concerns was that my friends would think this is someone I'm dating."

Ivancic warns the mentors to be both patient and careful when working with the youths. Many are not used to having someone genuinely care for them, and may try to sabotage the relationship. "Be aware that they can manipulate," he says. "They can bold-face lie to get what they want."

Since the earliest days of Hope House, director Bob Ivancic has donated many hours of his time, trying to devise funding strategies, and seeking ways to make the program palatable to the public.

Toward the end of the research for this story, Ivancic called one day, and after a bit of small talk, got straight to the point. "There are a few things I'd rather not see in print," he said.

There had been sexual contact between two Hope House residents--Sam and Luke--and Ivancic was, understandably, concerned about how this would reflect upon the program.

When such a major rule break occurs, he said, residents may be allowed to stay involved on the non-residential side of the program, with access to support groups, mentors, and therapy, or they may be told to break their ties with Hope House entirely. Since the rule against sexual contact was a major violation of the residential agreements, both left the program. Ivancic wouldn't say whether the young men had been told to leave or did so voluntarily.

"If it is not a situation where their staying would impede the progress of another resident, they can stay," Ivancic explains. "But it's important to understand the type of kids we're dealing with."

Indeed, among youths who are looking for acceptance and affection, such relationships are not uncommon, and are a reality of programs that provide services--especially residential.

It's easy to see why Hope House's staff seeks to control perceptions about the program. Funding has been hard to come by since the beginning. Says Paul Tucker: "This is such a controversial issue. Many foundations just don't want to fool with it. They tend to find safer things to fund."

And at the end of summer, with all of its beds for young residents empty--soon to be filled by another crop of troubled youths--it looked like Hope House was going to face another difficult year.

Editor's note: Johnathon Briggs was a Dallas Observer summer intern. He is a senior at Stanford University.