Reform School

Occupation: Thespian, The Guy That Was Jamie Foxx on "Slow Jamz."

Comments on Applicant: After Ray and "Gold Digger," I thought we found the secret to crossover success. I won a second Oscar for my role in Hey, Who Turned Out the Lights?: The Stevie Wonder Story and my cameo on Kanye's remix of "Superstition" called "Conspiracy (Someone's Hiding in my Closet, Pts. 1-8)" topped the charts.

After that, our careers hit the skids. Kanye started to weird people out, and I stretched the famous blind person thing too far when I played Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker 2: Out For Blood. It bombed. Not surprising considering the core audience couldn't see or hear the movie. I convinced Kanye to do another collabo, but we were too focused on another payday to realize Helen Keller singing the hook on "Set Trippin' Over Furniture" consisted mostly of me moaning incoherently.

I implore you to accept Kanye back. His motives may not be entirely pure--I ain't saying he's a gold digger--but nowadays there ain't nobody else messing with his broke ass. Speaking of which, could you send me an application?