Ready to Blow

"If I'm here for the full amount of years in my contract, I'm promising a championship," Owens told KXAS-Channel 5's Newy Scruggs in a sit-down interview just before camp. "I'm ready to take this city and put it on my back and let's go to Miami."

Typical T.O., in one succinct swoop both guaranteeing a Super Bowl and planting doubt that he'll be here long enough to unpack his considerable baggage.

Owens' hype and hope, of course, come with a price tag. There are lifelong, die-hard Cowboys fans--though their numbers already seem to be dwindling--abruptly CTL-ALT-DELing America's Team for selling its soul to Beelzebub and signing blood oaths with Owens and new flagship radio station The Ticket. Both entities, turns out, built their empires in part by belittling the Cowboys.

But for the 5,500 fans (a Cowboys Oxnard record) who show up for Owens' first practice as a Cowboy and the mesmerized masses vaulting his autobiography--T.O. --onto The New York Times' best-seller list and his jersey, No. 81, to the top of the NFL sales heap, the uncertain reward is worth the risk. They realize Owens' unique blend of size, speed, will and skill should make Drew Bledsoe a better quarterback, Julius Jones a better running back, Jason Witten a better tight end, Flozell Adams a better blocker, Mike Vanderjagt a better kicker, Parcells a better coach, the Cowboys a better team, Brad Sham a better play-by-play voice and your wife a better cook. And they realize that, on the heels of Cowboys legends Troy Aikman and Rayfield Wright getting inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame last weekend in Canton, Ohio, Owens is the lone Cowboy who could hang 'em up today and make a solid argument for football immortality.

The owner, too, saw past the potholes and into the infinite upside. And in the proud tradition of firing Landry and cutting Aikman, Jones--a moment of silence, please--inked Owens on March 18 to a three-year, $25 million contract, $10 million payable this season. As is the case with some of Parcells' maniacal media machinations, Jones doesn't necessarily condone T.O.'s asshole actions. "They once asked Bear Bryant if he'd grow his hair long if that's what it took to win," Jones says through the drizzle. "And he told 'em, 'Throw away the scissors.'"

Make no mistake; in 2006 the Cowboys have age, urgency and a newfound addiction to gambling. With Parcells turning 65, Bledsoe 34 and Jones driven by desperation, they're shoving their chips to the center with pocket 9s. They're one Owens mood swing from Parcells going to the racetrack, Bledsoe going into retirement, Jerry going bald and T.O. holding cockamamie press conferences while doing chin-ups in the driveway of Mark Cuban's guest house.

But they're also one average T.O. season--sans turbulence--from a return to glory.

Parcells, who went two months before speaking publicly about the addition of Owens, stubbornly claims not to know the name of the receiver's book and refuses to refer to T.O. by name, instead calling him "the kid" or "the guy." (See sidebar, "Parcells on T.O.: 'Huh?'") But even if he isn't 100 percent on board with acquiring Owens, under the coach's crusty exoskeleton seeps a quiet optimism that "the player" can help him add to his legacy in Dallas instead of continuing to destroy it.

"I support everything we do, and we do it collectively," Parcells says of the Owens all-in. "That's what we did in this case."

Assures Jones, "I didn't feel myself having to coax Bill into it."

Tick...tick...tick...

Well, yeah, actually it is. In fact, if the experiment works, Owens' new teammates will become as anonymous as Joan Jett's Blackhearts, Ricky Bobby's pit crew and Dolly Parton's ankles.

Says Bledsoe after a practice, "I've never played with anybody that draws as much attention as he does."

Anchored by Pro Bowl safety Roy Williams and emerging star cornerback Terence Newman, who didn't allow a touchdown pass last season, Dallas' defense might be its best since the No. 1-ranked unit of '03. Even better if it creates turnovers. Last year only eight teams produced fewer takeaways than the Cowboys' 26. And too often the defense shut down its opponent for 55 minutes--Washington (ugh) and Seattle (double ugh) come to mind--only to allow dramatic scores in heart-breaking losses.

Behind you-know-who, the biggest off-season addition is Vanderjagt. The most accurate kicker in NFL history as a Colt, he is a dramatic upgrade from last season when the Cowboys, by Parcells' count, lost three games directly because of foot failures by Jose Cortez, Billy Cundiff and Scott Suisham.

Says Vanderjagt: "I've got three games placed on my shoulders."

If a wobbly offensive line can keep Bledsoe upright, he'll be throwing to Dallas' best skill players in almost a decade. Running backs Julius Jones and Marion Barber, tight end Witten and receivers Owens, Terry Glenn, Patrick Crayton and fourth-round rookie Skyler Green compare favorably to every team in the NFC. Despite being as immobile as a mailbox and sacked an alarming 50 times--only three teams allowed more--Bledsoe raised eyebrows and earned respect by starting all 16 games last season and throwing for 3,639 yards and 23 touchdowns.