Happy Christmas, Your Arse

Ones I really love:

Vera Lynn, "The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot." This one's a tearjerker, a '40s tune about a boy with no father who gets no presents. I first heard it because it's in the opening scene of the movie The Wall, but the entire tune's great. In a really sad way.

Badly Drawn Boy, "Donna & Blitzen." I adore this tune, but I can't listen to it any other time of year. It's a sweet and simple sleigh-bell shakin' love song.

The Three Wise Men, "Thanks For Christmas." This is actually the great XTC, under a pseudonym. Sugary pop fun.

Any of the Vince Guaraldi tunes from A Charlie Brown Christmas. I can listen to that all month long and love it. For me, it's all about childhood nostalgia.

Another fantastic one is "Father Christmas" by The Kinks. "Give all the toys to the little rich boys." What a great "fuck-the-wealthy" anthem!

Some of the REALLY bad ones, I can't help but enjoy them as well. When I was a kid, I had the 45 single of Band Aid "Do They Know It's Christmas?" which I still enjoy on a campy level, but I always thought it was creepy when Bono sings "tonight thank God it's them instead of you." What a dick.

Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" is so bad, and yet I'll always listen. Same with "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. It's an embarrassment on virtually every level and yet irresistible. Bowie and Bing doing "Little Drummer Boy" is a hoot as well.

I always liked the one where Tom Petty asks for a new Rickenbacker guitar and two Fender Bassmans at the end—can't remember the name of the tune [It's "Christmas All Over Again"], but that part always sticks in my head. Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" is hilarious, 'cause he sounds so damn serious. You better not pout, and the Boss will tell you why.

If I never again hear "Feliz Navidad," "Jingle Bell Rock" or "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer," my life would improve. Those songs make me wanna kick Santa in the balls.

Oh, and have you ever heard John Denver's "Daddy Please Don't Get Drunk For Christmas"? 'Nuff said.

Tim Alexander of Asleep at the Wheel and Reverend Organdrum

1. Favorite Xmas song is "Daddy's Drinkin' Up Our Christmas" by Commander Cody.

2. The irreverence and the humor of the Commander.

3. Least favorite is "Christmas Time is Here" by Alvin and the Chipmunks. The novelty has worn off for me.

Scott Porter of Record Hop, Spitfire Tumbleweeds and TXMF Records

1. As a suburban wastoid, I love empty Christmas bullshit: The lights, the colors, the weirdness of the new super-commercial season where there are months of strange animatronic elves and fat men and smiling woodland creatures plastered to every surface and giant flashing trees on every corner. I especially love the music. You will not hear me bitching about the classics and their inevitable two months of constant rotation from every speaker everywhere. I have to go with "Sleigh Ride." I started playing the French horn in sixth grade, and that song was in the program for every Christmas concert until I was a senior. It just sounds like December to me, which is, of course, the finest of all months, especially if you were an acid-addled mall rat. Wait—I think I might wanna go with Mannheim Steamroller.

2. Not scoring with band chicks from sixth grade through senior year.

3. Nah, it ain't like that. Me and Christmas music? We cool.